Kevin Rudd has been made a life member of the ALP, giving him the opportunity to yet again talk … and talk … and talk …

As has been noted at The Breakdown, when Rudd speaks about China, you should listen. He knows what he’s talking about.

But when he talks about Australian politics, he puts on the tinfoil hat and things get very, very scary.

Kevin Rudd is not well.

The world according to Kevin

Rudd has always tried to be an adult – it was in his operating system. But somewhere along the way, maybe when he upgraded from Vista, he lost his dignity. And pity that he;’s never had the capacity for self-analysis. That’s a shame. As an ex-PM out of day-to-day politics, he should be the personification of grace and be able to see his place in Australia without rose-coloured glasses.

But Rudd has always been delusional.

And he can’t help himself in front of a crowd, as his speech to the ALP National Conference attests.

According to Kevin:

The great party of Menzies has devolved into a three-ring circus.

You’ve still got Abbott wanting to go the biff. Nothing changes. You’ve got Malcolm, who says he’s not a ‘miserable ghost’. My god, he’s doing a great impression of being one.

You’ve got little Joshy [Frydenberg], for whom hope springs eternal.

I’m sorry Julie B, they are all blokes. Every one of them.

Really? No one has ever called the Treasurer ‘Joshy’. And ‘little’? Really? That belittles Rudd more than Frydenberg. And Frydenberg, just yesterday, announced Australia would be in surplus – a feat which Labor could never achieve with Rudd as its leader.

And he called Peter Dutton “Lurch”. That’s the quality of his work these days. Playing for cheap laughs from a captive audience. And sadly for Rudd, the laughs were few and scattered.

It was quite sad.

A man without dignity

Then he attacked Scott Morrison:

[The Prime Minister] seems to take his vision of leadership as being the Trump vision, which is how do we go as far right as possible. How else do we explain his lunatic decision on Jerusalem?

For a start, Trump is not right wing; Trump is a populist. Rudd should know that. He was a populist, too. A man who could solve every problem and feel all your pain. Until you weren’t helpful and then you were discarded. Just like Rudd himself was.

And while Rudd may not like the decision, which is his right, the case should be argued on its merits and not through schoolyard insults.

And as an ex-PM, he should keep some of these thoughts to himself. His successors, cleaning many of the messes Rudd left, deserve clear air. Just as he got from John Howard.

Then he said the Liberal Party had just three enduring values: “me, myself and I.”

He warmed to the theme:

You know greed doesn’t sound all that flash as an election slogan. So that’s why they invent the three great masking devices of fear, fear and more fear.

It has ever been thus, and it ever will be. Because at core they’ve got a rotten message.

We do hope, they do fear. We build up, they tear down. We extend the tent of the nation, invite others in. The other mob draw up the drawbridge.

When he last opened the drawbridge more than 1000 people drowned, more than 50,000 arrived uninvited and many spent the best years of their lives rotting offshore. Just as Rudd intended but which he now denies.

And on the drawbridge, a history lesson: it was the Labor Party and the union movement that fought to retain the White Australia Policy, it was the Liberals that began dismantling it.

And it was the Liberal Party that welcomed Vietnamese boat people after Gough Whitlam fought against their arrival.

He’s quite mad, you know

And then he put on his tinfoil hat and really got going.

In the old days, Kevin Rudd used to go to New York to have steak with Rupert Murdoch, and then he’d hit a strip club with a Murdoch editor. You remember.

Those days are gone. Now, they’re the Murdoch mafia.

You know Murdoch. It’s not a news organisation, it’s a political party.

We don’t accept your ideology [Murdoch] and your commercial interests, we actually revile against them. That’s why they hate us so much.

Actually, Labor voters love the Tele and the Herald-Sun, mainly because they respect their audience and don’t patronise them.

That’s why they hooked into Bill, that’s why they hooked into Julia, that’s why they hooked into me.

No, they hooked into leaders who weren’t very good. Who promised much and delivered nothing. And you were awful, Kevin. Really bad. That’s why your party knifed you. And then they insulted you to your face.

Remember this? They used to be your ‘friends’. This is the best six minutes you may ever watch. Grab a drink and enjoy this … you might need a cigarette afterwards:

Kevin wasn’t very good

Kevin, you weren’t very good, whereas papers praise Howard to this day because he was not only good at being PM and served the country well, but he has always been dignified.

Kevin could learn a lot from the man he called “St John of Howard”. Why he would attack Howard is a riddle. Again, it only belittles Rudd’s already diminished stature.

Then he goes all woe is me:

It ain’t fair, it never will be, and as soon as we acknowledge that fact the better we will be in our response.

Ain’t? That’s patronising – as though the working class needs you to adopt their language so they understand you. It’s kind of pathetic, like his mangled use of the vernacular that never quite fit; notably, “fair shake of the sauce bottle, mate”.

No wonder people thought he focus-grouped using the word “sh#t” on television. It’d make sense makes perfect sense – Rudd always had to try hard to appear human.

The speech was like Rudd himself. In the ALP and in life: out of place. A lonely boy who never fit in anywhere who somehow managed to rise to the top but was never loved. Not like Julia Gillard is loved. Even when he’s made a life member of the party but when he’s invited, the other inductees, Paul Keating and Julia Gillard, find other events better worth their time.

Kevin does that to people. Sooner or later.